Beautiful
by SWaddict1986
Summary: A look into Hermione's thoughts over her first 6 years at Hogwarts. Not in any chronological order. Songfic set to Beautiful by Bethany Dillon. Updated into segments. Rated to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **"Beautiful" is an amazing song by Bethany Dillon. And Harry Potter (and its characters) very obviously doesn't belong to me ;) That's all J.K. Rowling's.  
**A/N: **Doesn't follow any sort of chronological order. Is also not your typical songfic and is broken into parts [chapters

* * *

**_I was so unique  
Now I feel skin deep  
I count on the make-up to cover it all_ **

I started at Hogwarts thinking that everyone else would know more than me, that I would be one of the only non-witches…er, Muggles there. So I read as much as I could and retained as much information as I could.

I came here to find that almost no one in my year knew the information. I thought that it wouldn't matter, that maybe I could tutor them; maybe I would enjoy teaching others. I also thought maybe it would get them to like me. My parents always told me to be myself and to not let others use me, but if it turned out to be a friendship, who am I to turn it away?

But they didn't like me. I overheard the older girls within the first week saying how ugly I was, how if they had my hair they would do something about it and not make it look like a rat's nest. I know my hair's not perfect, but it's so difficult to tame; even magic doesn't keep it perfect for more than a few hours. I tried it once, and Lavender Brown just laughed, saying that it didn't suit me.

Not having them like me for my looks was something I could deal with; in my last year of Muggle school, a lot of girls were behaving like that. But not liking me because I'm smart was a completely new thing for me. I'm so used to people trying to take advantage of it, that I couldn't believe that my classmates' resentment of my knowledge would lead them to hate me.

Why should I even bother trying to fix my looks if they're still going to hate me for being smart?

They hate my help too. Maybe I am a bit arrogant when I try, but I can't help that my bitterness at their immaturity comes through when they won't accept my help. Fine, I'll let them fail; it's no skin off my back.

I asked Lavender and Parvati Patil one night if it was true that people hated me for always knowing the answer. Maybe I was being paranoid, but I swear they had hesitated and looked at each other before telling me that no, people didn't hate me.

I knew it was a lie, and today, Ronald Weasley confirmed it as we were leaving Charms class.

_It's a wonder no one can stand her, she's a nightmare, honestly._

I ran as quickly as I could to the bathroom, trying not to cry but failing horribly. No one can stand me? The girls in my year don't seem to be all that bad. They came in here to see if I was all right and tried to calm me down. At least they're friendly to me, unlike other…bloody prats that I know.

My parents would kill me if they knew I was thinking those words, but I don't even care. I don't think the boys realize how much their words hurt me, how the pain has cut deep and I've started to become numb to the things I hear all of them mutter. Two months of that is bound to break someone.

I huddle on the floor crying over everything I've heard since I started here. If it continues up to Christmas, I think I'm going to ask Professor McGonagall if it's all right if I drop out. I don't want to, I love the classes here, I love learning how to be a witch. But I can't be stuck with immature arses for the next 6 ½ years, especially if they're going to continue to say those hurtful things.

Damn it, I've missed most of the Halloween feast. I'm sure no one cares though. I'm hungry, but I can miss the dinner- I'm sure everyone will be better off without me there. And if someone asks me tomorrow about my tears tonight? I'll just put on a smile and act like everything is perfect.

It's what they expect me to do, anyway.

* * *

**A/N: **Ron's line in italics was taken from _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's (Philosopher's) Stone_

Please read & review! I really want to know what people think of this :)_  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **"Beautiful" is by Bethany Dillon. Harry Potter (and its characters) is all J.K. Rowling's.

* * *

_**Crying myself to sleep**  
'**Cause I cannot keep their attention  
I thought I could be strong  
But it's killing me**_

I'm used to some of the name-calling now, especially being called a know-it-all, or something to that effect. It's not even said to be mean the majority of the time, just something that my classmates say. Ron and Harry usually say it to make a point.

I sometimes hate that people come to me and expect me to know everything. Most of the time I can give them what they want, but it does get annoying sometimes.

It doesn't help that it's not only the students that expect this from me, but the professors too. I'm almost afraid that I won't know the answer (although Harry and Ron make fun of me for this) because I'll feel like I'll disappoint everyone if I don't. It's not just for myself and my grades, but so as not to let anyone down.

I know it's irrational, that they wouldn't be let down, but I can't help but feel that I just _have _to be one step in front of everyone, even if it means I lose sleep over it.

Don't get me wrong; I do love knowing that the professors can count on me, that I'm the one who gives Gryffindor easy House points. I love being able to test myself with the knowledge I think I have and discover that once again, I'm right.

There is one class that lets me down though, and that's Potions. I know that Professor Snape has the same attitude towards Gryffindors that all of Slytherin does, and I know that he tries his best to prevent us from getting points. I still answer as many questions as I can; not for the points, not for the rewards, but because I just love having that knowledge.

Despite his best efforts, he still hasn't managed to silence me, even though he tells me once a week to be silent and not speak out of turn. One day, he's going to understand that I'm not afraid of losing a few points for answering correctly; one day, he's going to realize that I'm not going to stop; one day, he's going to rely on me to know the correct answer.

Today isn't the day.

One would think that, as a substitute, he'd be a little more lenient than with his own classes. But this is _Snape _I'm talking about; of course he wouldn't be easier on us. However, he didn't need to be tougher and he definitely didn't need to disregard Professor Lupin's curriculum and force us to learn things we shouldn't.

I thought I'd help the others out; show Snape that we're NOT all as incompetent as he believes (though he really _should _know that I'm not by now). Apparently, he thinks that everyone should know about dark creatures long before we're even supposed to. Besides, it's not Professor Lupin's fault that almost knows anything; our previous two D.A.D.A. teachers were less competent than Ron.

So, I tried, as I usually do, and I expected him to snap at me to be silent, I even expected him to take a few points off. But I sure as hell did not expect him to call me "an insufferable know-it-all." He's my bloody teacher, he should know better than to call any of his students that, especially since it wasn't his stupid class we were in. He's damned lucky none of us went to Professor McGonagall.

No one would do that though. They would wait for me to say something, and they know I wouldn't. Even though I'm positive they all saw the tears in my eyes and noticed my silence for the rest of the class, they still believe me to be strong, to be able to handle anything that comes my way.

It's bad enough when one of my classmates says it, but teenagers are supposed to be unkind sometimes. Someone in authority, such as a teacher, shouldn't be saying that. Even though Snape's not my favorite by far, I still try to give him respect, and it cut twice as deep when he said that.

Ron and Harry looked worried when I left dinner early, but I couldn't sit there and have that _insufferable man_ look down at me. At least, that's what it felt like he was doing. I came to my room, closed the drapes around my bed, and allowed the tears to finally completely flow.

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**A/N:** Snape's part in quotes was taken from _The Prisoner of Azkaban_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **"Beautiful" is by Bethany Dillon. All Harry Potter characters, places, etc are owned by l J.K. Rowling.

* * *

_**Does someone hear my cry?  
I'm dying for new life**_

I got my O.W.L.s back today: nearly perfect. I'm a little upset I didn't get an Outstanding in D.A.D.A.; it was that stupid practical. I wish I had received perfect scores, but when I saw Harry and Ron's results, I was angry with myself for feeling so selfish.

They didn't mind that they had failed two classes. They were happy with their Es and As (and, in Harry's case, an O), and all I could to is sit here and quietly complain about not getting all Os. Sometimes I wish my life was that simple.

Sometimes I wish I were like everyone else. Someone who didn't stress herself over her grades, someone who would be perfectly happy with passing grades, whether they were Outstandings or not. Someone who wasn't worried about letting people down.

I feel like I'm being scrutinized with everything I do. It's like if I do one thing wrong, it's worse than if someone else did it because I'm "so smart" and I'm "such a good student." Why can't adults just look at me and think, _well, it's just another student messing up, a few points from their House and we'll call it a day_. No, every time I lose points for getting caught up in another thing with Harry, I always get _Ms. Granger, I'm disappointed in you_. I get sick of it quite often.

I just want to be more normal sometimes. I want to get along well with my dorm mates; I want to be able to gossip, even though I don't like it. I wouldn't mind having room to slip up and not feel as if teachers would look down at me for it.

Harry and Ron have it easy. I know that everyone looks up to Harry as the Boy-Who-Lived, and that he has a lot to live up to, but he doesn't know why and just goes about each day the way he wants to. It's all right if he doesn't do perfect because no one at school expects that of him.

Ron may feel as if he has to live up to his older brother's expectations, but so far he hasn't done anything spectacular like the others have. I respect him for not pushing himself to do so; he's being himself, and he gets to be a normal teenager.

I had no one looking up to me, no one expecting me to do anything, but I surpassed them all. I surprised everyone because I was a Muggle and I was doing better than the other students. And NOW people expect me to be great, NOW everyone thinks I should always be perfect.

Just let me be normal once in a while. Let me be a teenager while I can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **"Beautiful" is by Bethany Dillon. All Harry Potter characters, places, etc are owned by l J.K. Rowling.

* * *

_**I want to be beautiful  
Make You stand in awe  
Look inside my heart,  
And be amazed**_

No one believed I was going to the Yule Ball with anyone, but everyone knew I was going. It served Ron (and Harry) right for not thinking of asking me (and Ginny) to begin with. One would think they would have asked their friends to begin with, but I never claimed to understand what's going on in a teenage boys' head.

I spent most of the Christmas day with the boys anyway, but stopped watching their snowball fight around five o'clock. I knew the other girls wouldn't be getting ready for another hour, and I didn't want them to see me.

I drenched my hair in Sleekazy's Hair Potion until it finally looked tame enough to pin up in a bun with strands of hair coming down. It was nice to see my hair stay in one place and not have it frizz about I put on some long shorts and a light-colored t-shirt before taking my light blue robe out and putting it over the other clothes. Before looking at myself in the mirror, I put my silver dress shoes on; there wasn't much of a heel, but they gave me more of a lift than my normal shoes did.

I could barely recognize myself. I looked…_beautiful_. I checked the time- six o'clock. The other girls would be there soon, so I briskly walked out of the dorm and avoided as many people as I could. I found an empty room and calmed my nerves. Whenever I heard footsteps, I peeked to see who they belonged to, and quickly ducked my head back in.

After I saw Ron and Harry pass, I waited for another half an hour before heading down to the Durmstrang boat.

When Viktor saw me, he smiled warmly. "You look very pretty, Hermy-own."

I smiled and took his arm as we walked up to the Great Hall. When they called the Champions in, I started to smile nervously; what would everyone think when they saw me?

I saw Harry's jaw drop, and it made me more nervous. Was it good or bad? As the other students came in though, I realized it was good. They were all gaping at me, and even _Malfoy_didn't have anything bad to say to me. That made my spirits fly, and I grew a little less nervous. I was smiling as Ron passed, but he didn't even notice me.

That hurt. I _thought_he didn't notice, but when I walked by him, I realized he was glaring at me. _No_No, I wouldn't let him ruin this night. I was asked to a dance by a very nice older boy, who had thought I was pretty to begin with. As a bonus, he was very handsome himself, and he chose _me_over all the other girls.

No, for one night, I'm allowed to be beautiful. I'm allowed to be a normal girl who might actually start to like someone who thinks I'm pretty.

_Yes, just keep telling yourself that, Hermione. Maybe it'll actually come true if you think it enough._

As if my own self-doubts weren't enough, after Viktor and I danced for a while, I had to deal with Ron's insanity.

"He's from Durmstrang! He's competing against Harry! Against Hogwarts! You—you're –_fraternizing with the enemy_, that's what you're doing!"

Yes, so what if I am? I'm not working with him against Harry; I'm dancing with a boy who actually had the nerve to ask me.

I tried to get Ron out of my mind as Viktor and I danced to almost every song until midnight, but I really couldn't. It didn't help that he cornered me in the Common Room and yelled at me about everything.

No, I certainly don't feel so beautiful now.

* * *

**A/N**: The quote from Ron is from the book _The Goblet of Fire_; the quote from Viktor Krum isn't, but what he calls Hermione is.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **"Beautiful" is by Bethany Dillon. All Harry Potter characters, places, etc are owned by l J.K. Rowling.

* * *

_**I want to hear You say  
Who I am is quite enough  
Just want to be worthy of love  
And beautiful**_

I don't know when I started feeling like this, but I'm sure it was a while ago. I just didn't realize it until more recently, especially after I had been with Viktor. And it's something that I guess makes perfect sense, given my past. I just never really thought about…well, about going out with anyone. After Viktor had asked me to the Yule Ball and had, as Ginny so eloquently put it during one of our girl talks, _snogged_ me a couple of times during the duration of the Tournament, it did cross my mind to have a boyfriend.

But of course, Viktor isn't exactly boyfriend material. He's a few years older, went to a school far away, and…oh, yes, is a world famous Quidditch player. It was a fun, small relationship while it lasted, and definitely not the worst choice for my first kiss (although, I don't have anything else to compare it to), but it wasn't lasting; it could never have been lasting. Forget the fact that I have yet to receive my O.W.L. grades, forget the fact that I just helped Harry fight a bunch of dark wizards and now everyone knows that Voldemort is back, forget the fact that I want to tell Harry everything I know (which isn't much at all) but can't; just forget it all.

No, what's going through my mind right now isn't just the important things I have to worry about, being a sixteen-year-old girl about to go into her sixth year at Hogwarts and who is one of Harry Potter's best friends, so must be there for him through everything. Another thing that keeps popping up in my head is something that most sixteen-year-old girls worry about, but I never _really _thought I would.

I'm worried about a boy I like; I'm worried he doesn't like me back, I'm scared out of my mind to tell him. It's making me second-guess everything. Does that look mean something; why did he emphasize _that_ particular word?

It doesn't help that I'm living at his house this summer. Yes, all right, I'll admit it: I really like Ronald Weasley.

With my luck, he doesn't think about me like that. There have been times in the past that he's made it clear that I'm a female friend, but all he sees is the friend part. When I would hug him, he would pat me awkwardly; not in a way that would say he likes me, but because he's not used to people hugging him. When the whole mess with the Yule Ball came about, I was one of his last resorts, as if he had forgotten I wasn't male. Before the Ball, there had been times when we talked about dress wear, and he had laughed and said he couldn't imagine me in "real girl clothes." Last year, when we were at the Black Manor, he would try to keep Ginny away from some of our conversations, especially after Harry came. When Ginny asked why she couldn't join in, Ron first tried the "you're too young" argument before going with the "because you're a girl" one. When she argued that I too was a girl, he said offhandedly, "Right, but she's our friend, you're just my sister."

No, I don't think Ron likes me as anything more than a friend. His behavior towards me hasn't changed at all and the way we argue is more like the way he and Ginny argue.

Viktor told me more than once that I was pretty, that I was beautiful. That's nice and all, but he's just one person. I'm not the type of person who needs to hear everyone say it, because I know it's not true. But hearing someone else say it, hearing the guy of my affections say it, would make me incredibly happy. I want to hear Ron say it. I want to know that he doesn't think of me as his bushy-haired female friend anymore, but an actual female, someone who he can say is pretty sometimes.

But I know how he is: he thinks Fleur Delacour is absolutely amazing, even though his brother's the one who is going to marry her, and she isn't even a full Veela. It's not even just Fleur. He wouldn't look twice at someone because her acne was too bad, or her eyes were misshapen, and she can't be taller than him or have large eyebrows or full lips…I swear, that boy is so picky he's never going to get anyone! The only reason why he even looks at me is because I help him (and Harry) with work, he's helped me with a few things, and we're friends. If he and Harry didn't save me from that troll in our first year, they'd think I was a stuck up, ugly person. Forget about the fact that they probably would have died from that stupid Devil's Snare to begin with!

As much as I would love to hear Ron tell me that I look good and that he likes me, I don't think it'll ever happen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter & its characters is all owned by J.K. Rowling (Who I'm obviously not). "Beautiful" is by Bethany Dillon

* * *

**_Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me  
Fighting to make the mirror happy_ **

Well…that was a surprise. I certainly expected the celebration when I walked in the Common Room, but I did NOT expect to see…what I saw. I don't want to think about it but it's etched in my memory and burned a hole in my heart.

I knew Ron was mad at me, but I really thought that he had maybe started to like me. Right, in my bloody dreams. I never would have guessed he would have run to Lavender Brown though, of all people. And I _know_ I'm going to be hearing about it in the dorm.

I never was a huge fan of Lavender. Since our first year, she has become snobbish, gossipy, and overall the kind of girl I would never want to be. But she and Ron looked so _passionate _wrapped around each other, and I wish I could just be in her position.

No, instead I'm sitting in an empty classroom, working on a stupid Transfiguration thing, working as best as I can go get my mind off everything.

_Ron and Lavender snogging for all the Common Room to see_

I conjured another yellow canary focusing all my thought on the magic, but it didn't help to numb my mind, and that's what I needed.

I really thought he had started to come around. He seemed happy that I had invited him to Professor Slughorn's party; he seemed genuinely excited to be going with me. But it looks like I read it all wrong, and now I'm paying for being a stupid fool.

I really shouldn't be surprised though. Lavender has always been better looking than I have. Those are the types of girls Ron likes: the ones who care about their looks, the ones who are beautiful on the outside and don't care how they look on the inside. I was hoping he had changed in the past two years, but I guess he really hasn't.

Because of it, I'm doing something I never thought I would do. I'm getting upset over a guy and feeling jealous about some other girl. I'm never jealous! Well, not like this anyway.

I want to hate Lavender, but I can't. Yes, she's not my favorite person in the world, but she's not all that horrible, not like Pansy Parkinson or someone else like that. Lavender actually has a heart half of the time. No, this isn't her fault and that makes me even more upset. This is all Ron's fault…and _he _was the one who made a big deal about who I was going to Slughorn's party with!

I feel like I can never win. Every time I feel like I've gotten somewhere, I have it all ripped away. Aside from Viktor, Ron is the only person I've wanted to be with. And he chose Lavender over me.

It's really not a nice way of paying me back after I told him I wanted him to go with me to the party.

I just hope he soon realizes that she and I aren't the same, and that I'll still be here for him if he wants me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is mine. Harry Potter & its characters are J.K. Rowling's. "Beautiful" is Bethany Dillon's.

* * *

_**Trying to find whatever is missing  
Won't You help me back to glory**_

I always feel like I'm stuck in the middle. When Ron and Harry are arguing, I'm the one whom they both talk to; if I have a problem with one of them, they're usually together and both against me.

This time, it's different, and I don't know what to do. I've tried to talk to Harry but he's too stubborn to talk to Ron and has been getting testy with me. Ron is too thick to realize that he's wrong in this situation, probably more so than Harry, and even told me to stay out of it.

I can't stay out of it, not when my two best friends are involved.

What I hate most about this situation is that I have no clue what to do. I'm so used to being able to help Harry through everything, whether it be stupid students who think he's some great celebrity, or whatever psycho dark wizards decide to throw at us. I've always been by his side and thought I've shown more than once that I could be trustworthy.

I guess I haven't proved it as well as I thought. Harry is still talking to me, but he seems so distant. And he won't accept my help.

I never realized how much I relied on being able to help him until now. I feel empty, like I'm just another student without much of a purpose. There are times where I would love to be in this position, but right now all I want to do is to help my friend out. And he's too stubborn and proud to accept it.

He thinks he can get through this stupid Tournament on his own. Maybe he can, but I don't think there is anything in the rules that says, "You're not allowed to accept help from your friends no matter what." I understand that he can't do the actual tasks with any help, but I want to help them survive those tasks.

He should know that I'm worried about him and that I understand the dangers of the Tournament. He should know that I'm willing to help him research anything he needs me to no matter how busy my course load is. I've done it in the past and never complained; I've never had reason to. I was helping out a friend and it makes me happy to do it.

Maybe it would be better if Ron came around. Harry seems to be more reasonable when he and Ron are in agreement about something. I don't think that will happen for a while though, seeing as it takes Ron a lot of time to open his eyes.

I know that Harry knows something, probably about the first task. He was late to breakfast and is acting very weird. I know his stomach isn't the bottomless pit that Ron's is, but he enjoys his food as much as the next guy. Having him not eat any breakfast, not even have some pumpkin juice is strange for him. 

It doesn't help that he's straddling the seat and staring at me while I eat. That is so disturbing and it makes me incredibly nervous. He doesn't even realize that Ginny keeps looking at him and giving him odd looks while _she _eats. That she was doing so isn't all that strange since I don't even think the boy has blinked since he's gotten here.

GOOD GOD, WHY WON'T HE BLINK?

All right, good, he did. But he's still creeping me the hell out.

He had better tell me what is going on before I curse him for scaring me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is mine. Harry Potter & its characters are J.K. Rowling's. "Beautiful" is Bethany Dillon's.

* * *

_**I want to be beautiful  
Make You stand in awe  
Look inside my heart,  
And be amazed**_

Harry is starting to make me angry. He keeps using that stupid book that the stupid Half-Blood Prince bloody wrote in—if he's not careful, he's going to get someone hurt, and not just my pride.

I'll admit it, I'm jealous of Harry's "skills" in Potions. Actually, I'm jealous that he's the one who got the book with the Prince's notes in it and not me. I'm usually the one at the top of our classes and I'm angry that Harry is using notes he didn't make up himself. If those skills had come naturally, if he followed the directions correctly and his potions were coming out perfect then it would be a different story. Yes, I would probably be a little miffed, but it would be a fleeting thing and I would honestly have nothing to complain about.

After all, I'm really not the top in everything. Harry's better than me in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but that's all right, he deserves it. He got to the top through skills he has and from practicing for so many things over the years.

With this, Harry is lying to his friends, his classmates, his teacher, and basically the entire school about his new "skills," and I can't wait for him to screw up. I don't want my friend to fail, but I want him to pass honestly, like Ron is doing…barely.

I was embarrassed, but so happy when Professor Slughorn mentioned that Harry had named me be best witch in the class. I was so happy that maybe, finally, I would have a Potions professor who wasn't so harsh, a professor that allowed me to speak my voice, and someone who knew good work when he saw that.

But the only student he really notices is Harry.

I know it sounds like I'm acting like a disgruntled friend, but Harry is going about this so dishonestly, I almost can't believe he's still going along with it. It seems like the other students are getting upset with Harry and Slughorn as well since no one else is getting noticed. Slughorn is drawn to Harry like a thestral is drawn to blood.

I just want to be told that I'm doing a good job. Even Snape couldn't help but praise me in his own twisted way at times. When he couldn't find anything wrong, he'd just scowl at me and not say anything. Slughorn just gives me a pitying look before rushing on to Harry. "Save the best for last," as he says.

It makes me sick. It makes me unhappy at how quickly a professor can change his mind about someone.

Sometimes it makes me want Snape back. Sometimes. Harry wouldn't be in the class, I'd be back to competing with Malfoy for Snape's attentions, and I would know how to handle the criticism. Yes, it hurts sometimes, but I can deal with it; I'm used to it. I don't feel completely incompetent in Snape's classes, and I don't expect his favoritism to change when one student starts to do better than another.

I just need Potions with Slughorn to end soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is mine. Harry Potter & its characters are J.K. Rowling's. "Beautiful" is Bethany Dillon's.

* * *

_**I want to hear You say  
Who I am is quite enough  
Just want to be worthy of love**_

I think every girl who has ever been to school has had a crush on one teacher or another. I never expected it to happen to me, especially not at twelve-years-old, and not as quickly as it did.

I'm Hermione Granger; of course I would read my schoolbooks after I got them so as to try to get a head start on things. Plus, once I saw Lockhart in Flourish and Blotts, I was smitten. He had this thick blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a gorgeous smile…

All right, so he's quite a bit older than me, but that doesn't mean I can't _think_about him. Besides, it's not like he's married or anything like that.

I never expected there to be a quiz on the first day! I racked my brain for all of the answers so I could do whatever it took to get Lockhart to notice me. I really wanted to impress him and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was incredibly handsome. Not at all. I just like having my teachers know how well of a student I was, that's all.

_Right. Keep telling yourself that, Granger._

I was ecstatic when he said I had gotten full marks and gave Gryffindor ten points. The smile he gave me warmed me up and I zoned out thinking about it until he took the cover off the cage holding the Cornish pixies. I was so angry at myself for not paying attention for the few minutes he was talking, that I couldn't immobilize the pixies when they were let loose.

I was glad to fix my mistake when Lockhart asked Ron, Harry, and I to put the pixies away. I could prove to him that I wasn't incompetent as I had shown just moments before. And as Harry and Ron were clearly showing at that moment.

I know it's silly, but I wanted Lockhart to say that I was the best. I almost needed to hear him say it. It's nice to have an older, handsome man say that to you.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is mine. Harry Potter & its characters are J.K. Rowling's. "Beautiful" is Bethany Dillon's.

* * *

**_You make me beautiful  
You make me stand in awe  
You step inside my heart,  
And I am amazed_**

Harry and Ron have been my friends for almost six years, and those two boys have made them the best years of my life. When they first rescued me from the troll, I expected them to be nicer to me and for something like a friendship to evolve, but not right away. Yet, even at eleven-years-old, they surprised me. They accepted me right away.

At first I was almost sure it was because I was able to help them with their homework, but they talked to me about other things and wanted to spend time with me. Not only was I helping them, but they helped me relax and I actually broke the rules every so often. Nothing serious, mind you, but something I would only do in the presence of friends.

Friends. It's amazing how happy a person could feel when they think, hear, or say that word and can put faces to it. I didn't have too many friends before Hogwarts, and really don't miss them all that much. Ron and Harry are better people than them, for the most part.

By our second year, I realized how amazing that friendship was. My solution to almost everything was to go to the library to try to find the answer, something the two boys didn't completely understand. But it was all right, because they allowed me to do my thing and _trusted_ me to find the answer. They actually trusted me and didn't always try to go looking for the answer elsewhere. It's an amazing feeling to know that you're being trusted to do something. Also, most of the time they didn't even ask for my help; they allowed me to give it. I never felt like I was being used…outside of helping with homework, that is.

It wasn't even like I was giving and not receiving. The two of them helped me as well. They helped me be more confident around others, made me realize I was stronger than I thought, and they allowed me to be myself without making fun of me (anymore). If something embarrassing happened to me, they'd stick up for me and not care about what had happened or my reaction to it.

I was willing to die for them, something I fully noticed in our third year. I was thirteen-years-old, and I was already willing to _die_ for someone. I didn't care what Sirius Black was capable of; I just knew that I had to protect Harry. Was I terrified? You had best believe it. But I couldn't just stand aside and watch my friend get hurt.

I'm just glad that we didn't attack Sirius.

In our fourth year, Ron and I fought more, and even Harry didn't always see my point of view. I was shattered at first. I didn't realize at the time that through our squabbles, our friendship grew stronger. We would all make up and be an even better team than before. So yes, even now, years later…even though it disheartens me when any of us argue, when it seems like our stronghold is on the brink of destruction and I don't know what to do anymore, we suddenly are forced back together like magnets.

Sometimes it feels like I'm the one holding us together. It seems like, more often than not, I'm trying to get Harry and Ron to talk to one another since those two can be exasperatingly immature at times. And even though I get frustrated over it, when I succeed I feel very warm and happy inside. It may not be true, but they make me feel as if without me, their friendship would have more pits and falls than it already does. It makes me feel wanted, feel needed. And not used in any way.

Through these six years we've discovered many ways to push each other's buttons and to turn around and make each other feel loved again.

_That's_ what our friendship is all about. That is why, without them, I would be nothing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is mine. Harry Potter & its characters are J.K. Rowling's. "Beautiful" is Bethany Dillon's.

* * *

**_I love to hear You say  
Who I am is quite enough _**

One would think that by now, I would be used to being called a Mudblood, especially by Malfoy. He's been doing it the past two years, but it still hurts every time that word comes out of his mouth. It makes me feel filthy, even though I know it shouldn't. I'm allowing the word to do the very thing it was meant to do – cut deep.

After finding out what the word meant, I tried to ignore it, but realized that I really couldn't. Draco Malfoy really isn't the type of person who would stop taunting someone for any reason. I've tried so many things: ignoring him, asking him to stop, venomously yelling at him to shut up, threatened to curse him, and a few other things that really haven't worked.

He hasn't let up. I think it's sad and pathetic that he continues to call me it when he can be wasting his time doing other things, but he just has this sick desire to cause harm to others. It helps him that even though I'm sometimes strong, I sometimes let words cut me deep. I hate that; it makes me feel weak.

I've only talked back to Malfoy half of the time. Those are generally the times when I'm alone and have to fend for myself. For the other half, the words sting just as much, but the pain disappears more quickly. During those times, I have my friends.

It's mainly Ron who sticks up for me, and I don't blame Harry in the slightest. Ron comes from a family consisting of people whom a few wizarding families consider "blood traitors," and Harry didn't grow up with a hatred for the word "Mudblood" like Ron did. Therefore, Ron was the first one to stand up for me when Malfoy called me that horrible word.

He ended up paying for it, which I guess was fortunate. It saved him from getting into trouble for hexing Malfoy, but that boy would have deserved it. And now every time he's around to hear Malfoy say it, Harry and I have to stop him from attacking both physically and magically. Yet my heart soars every time Ron tries to do something that would get him into trouble.

My friend is sticking his neck out for me; how could I not feel at least a little happy about that?

The most recent one was a few days ago, three or four days after the Yule Ball. I was walking back to the Gryffindor Tower from the Great Hall when I was cornered by Malfoy and his cronies. They had started picking on me, asking what I had to do to go to the Ball with Viktor, saying that the potions I used for my hair didn't work on anyone else so I obviously had to have put him under some sort of spell.

"After all, everyone knows that a talented Quidditch player like him wouldn't _really_ want to be caught DEAD with a filthy Mudblood like you."

The next thing I knew there was a flash of red flying past me, and Ron's fist collided with Malfoy's chin.

"Don't you EVER call her that again!" While Malfoy was staring surprised at Ron and his friends were trying to help him with his sore jaw, Ron pulled me away and back to the Gryffindor Tower. Apparently, he had seen Malfoy leave the Great Hall after I did, and went to make sure I was all right.

His entire family is full of wizards, yet he doesn't care if I have a Muggle background or not. Blood doesn't matter to him (or his family); all he cares about is that I'm his friend. The fight we had the night of the Yule Ball was put behind us, and our friendship feels as strong as ever.

Because blood doesn't matter among friends.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is mine. Harry Potter & its characters are J.K. Rowling's. "Beautiful" is Bethany Dillon's.

* * *

**_You make me worthy of love_  
_And beautiful  
You make me worthy of love  
And beautiful_**

No matter what has happened over these past six years, I have always had friends who stood by me. From the moment the troll tried to attack me in the bathroom my first year, my life was changed, and for the better.

It could never be changed back.

Harry, Ron, and I have had our ups and downs, but we've always gotten through everything fairly all right. They've always been there for me and they know I'm there for them. We have gone through pains and deaths, things that have made us age much more quickly than any of us would have liked, but at least we have each other.

Through Harry and Ron, I have gained friendships with people I never really would have talked to, if it weren't for them. Neville Longbottom has become an amazing friend and a trustworthy ally. Luna Lovegood has shown her dedication to our cause after only a few months of knowing us. Ginny Weasley is like the younger sister I never had, my female confidant and aside from the two boys, my best friend. Remus Lupin has almost become my mentor and Sirius Black's loyalty to his family and friends was so incredibly strong, something I admire greatly.

And then there are those who are only mere acquaintances, but people who have helped change my life, possibly for the better. All of the members of Dumbledore's Army, save for Marietta Edgecombe, are part of that group.

Not only have I gained friendships, but I have also gained a family. The Weasleys have practically taken me in like a second daughter. They've helped house me for the past few summers through a lot of things and have never made me feel out of place. Other than the occasional misunderstanding or two, they have always welcomed me with open arms.

I love my parents and I sometimes wish I could spend more time with them, but it's very nice to be around wizards who aren't confused if I bring a magical topic up. Plus, I feel like I am surrounded by a bunch of crazy siblings, something I've always wanted. And I know Ginny loves having me around as sometimes the testosterone level gets to be too much sometimes.

Because of the boys, I have gained many things. I am more confident in my abilities with each word of praise that passes through their lips. I feel like I can stand up for myself, but I don't worry if I need someone to fall back on. I have learned how to trust others and discovered what true friendship really is. They have given me support and helped me to remember that even though others will judge, not everyone will.

They have given me a type of love I never thought existed. Because of that, I am forever in their debt.

It's the greatest feeling in the world.


End file.
